So the church is embroiled in another sex scandal - What now?

The Catholic Church has been rocked by another scandal with charges of a massive cover up of sexual abuse perpetrated by trusted guardians of our children.  In the state of Pennsylvania alone there are at least 300 reports of priests abusing children that go back decades.

I try to understand how this could have happened as this is not the first time that the Church has come under fire for accusations of molestation and a subsequent cover up.  And while Pope Francis has condemned the actions made by priests that may be guilty of what they have been accused, he may not know the ramifications of those actions.  He may not know how those accusations impact the victims…children that have been scarred for the rest of their lives.  

Maybe he should know.  Maybe he should sit down with adult survivors that can tell him how they are living life now; how they have been changed and in those changes made choices that have impacted them adversely.  He may not know that life for them may have been filled with challenges and struggles.  He may not know that abuse does not end with the initial act; but that it continues and is echoed in the lives of the survivors, sometimes hiding and resurfacing around corners that may take the member by surprise.

I am an abuse survivor.

And although my abusers were not catholic priests, I can speak to what happens to a survivor on both an emotional and psychological level. I know firsthand what molestation does to a victim and the effects are long lasting.

There is no viable reason why the church would take the position that it should protect the priests as opposed to their victims.  In order to understand what is going on, you would have to understand the role that the church played in the lives of their parishioners.

As a boy who was raised in the Catholic Church, I remember the hierarchy of the church very clearly.  The 70’s were a completely different time.  Back then, you had complete and total trust in the pastor of your church.  The role of the pastor was not one where he was considered a leader, but it was also one where he was revered.  I remember that John Cardinal Krol was the leader of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Philadelphia.  Although I never met him personally, I was well aware of who he was.  I knew that his ranking was well above my pastor.  And then there were the nuns…nuns that occupied the role of the principal and teachers within my elementary school.  What was clear back then is that you did not question any directive that a nun gave you.  If a priest told you to do something, you did it…no questions asked.  The clergy was held in high regard.  And at that time, I had this unrealistic expectation that they could do no wrong.  I was shocked to see a priest have a beer or smoke a cigarette.  I was certain that they had a direct road map to God and that they were in some regards better than the average person; that they were incapable of sinning since the rest of us were regarded as sinners that constantly needed redemption. We all assumed that they were leading by example and therefore worthy of the respect and honor that they were given.

A stunning example of the humanness of the deity could be reflected in the Netflix documentary entitled, “The Keepers” in which a nun was murdered to keep the actions of a rogue priest from coming to light.

While this is an extreme example of some of the corruption that may exist in the Catholic Church, one thing that remains crystal clear is that the role of priests and nuns is lost in the fact that they are human.  And it is within that humanness that they prone to make mistakes.  They have their feelings, emotions, triumphs and failures despite the fact that they have taken the oath to serve God.

I am not condemning the Catholic Church.  I’m condemning the actions that have been taken to protect anyone that would molest a child just as I would anyone who is not a person of the cloth.

The topic is one that makes us uncomfortable.  It is a topic that no one wants to talk about.  Parents don’t want to address this issue because to do so would mean that they failed to protect their child from harm.  This is not what this means.  A parent cannot protect their child 24/7. 

 As stated previously, I know firsthand what happens when this happens to a victim.  Regardless of whether the abuse was painful or enjoyable; regardless of whether the child has an orgasm or are left in tears, the results are the same...they are traumatized.

And the trauma carries from the time of the abuse to adulthood.  I know because I have lived this.  I have connected the dots regarding what happens when you are molested to the decisions that you make on the road to adulthood.  I know that the abuse always sits in the back of your mind…whether consciously or not.

We may drink too much; sex too much; drug too much…we may act out in ways that we wouldn’t think of had the abuse never occurred.  Your priorities may have been altered.  Your sense of trust may have been changed.  We may be prone to bouts of anger or depression and don’t know why. 

I know because this happened to me. 

 The person that I would have been died in that bed 50 years ago.  I have no idea who I would have been because that person no longer exists.  Instead, I am left with the man that I ultimately became.  I know that I have made many mistakes…mistakes that I can’t take back.  But I have also made good choices throughout my lifetime.

The thing that I have come to understand is that you are not defined by what happens to you.  You are not defined by the mistakes or triumphs that you have made in your lifetime.  You are defined by the content of your character.  Your mistakes and triumphs are part of who you are.  You either learn from the mistakes or you don’t.

I’ve come to understand this over the years.

Most people don’t understand the ramifications of molestation. They don’t understand what the long term effects are.  They don’t understand the dangers of emotional suppression.

But we can address this.  We can deal with this.  We don’t have to remain stuck on the proverbial merry-go-round of whatever negative mindset that we believe comprises who we are.  We may need to seek counsel with a professional that may help us to address what has happened to us and take the appropriate steps to begin the healing the process.  It may help us to address the emotions that may have been thrown out of whack for us.  

There is healing to be had for all of us.  Regardless of the offender, there is light at the end of the tunnel. That is not to be confused with a happily-ever-after type of ending.  There is no such thing.  We can only continue to fight to be a better person and remember that we are not the sum of what has happened to us.  We can only deal with our mistakes and be a better man or woman.

~ J.L. Whitehead