One in Six

One out of every six males in this country have been the victims of molestation.  Those are the statistics that I have found while conducting the research for my book, "One in Six...45 Years of Dark." 

Personally I think that the rates are higher since men overall don't talk about issues like molestation.  Men as a rule do not identify with being a victim or survivor...at least not when it comes to sex.

Even now, I don't identify with being a survivor.  I don't feel comfortable with that label.  Instead, I choose to believe that what happened to me between the ages of six and fourteen is something that occurred and that it shaped me into becoming who I am today.

When I decided to write this book, initially, I wanted to share my story in the hopes that someone would see themselves in certain aspects of my life.  I thought that maybe if I told  what happened to me and give my readers a window seat into my psyche as I became a man, it may provide them with a rule of thought that may explain why they may think and act the way they do.

Molestation is an ugly topic.  It's a topic that we shy away from as a society because we don't want to believe that this happens so often in a land of freedom and abundance.  We want to believe that the problem isn't as prevalent as it is or that it perhaps happens to a group that is demographically far from our ourselves. 

We may believe that molestation happens to economically challenged groups.  But like domestic violence, molestation happens in all aspects of society.  It happens to the poor and wealthy alike.  It happens to one in every six males, regardless of race, creed, religious affiliation, social status or sexual orientation.

Men of color don't talk about this.  Gay men of color may talk about what happened to them and in certain instances may wear what occurred as a badge of honor instead of thinking that something inside of them has been permanently altered.

After all, for a gay man, it is natural to sleep with a member of the same sex just like it is normal for a heterosexual male to sleep with a woman.  But regardless of the orientation of the victim or their willingness to participate in the activity, once you have sex with an adult, the trajectory of who you would have been has been altered...permanently.

And with that change comes other behaviors that may not be easily recognizable as defects of character.  Instead, it may be dismissed as behaviors attributed to something as simple as the person being who they are at that time.

Knowledge is power.  Once you know what is going on with you, you are equipped to change behaviors that may be detrimental to who you are as well as who you hope to become.

My story is coming...with all of it's tragedies, disappointments and triumphs.  Some of you may see glimpses of yourself in my words.  Some of you may not.  But on the maybe that you do, hopefully it will help you understand why you do the things you do and think the way you think.

Because as I said before, knowledge is power!

J.L. Whitehead

How to market your book when you self publish!

So you've written your book!  It's been edited and you're happy with the final product.  If you're like most of us, you don't have the backing of a publishing house that will take care of the promotional aspect of your work.  You want to put your book out there but you're not sure where to begin.

What do you do?

Well, first off, ask yourself why you wrote your book.  Who did you write the book for?  Who will read your book...or rather, who do you hope will read your book?  And before you answer that question, don't say "everyone."

Everyone will not read your book.  That's the simple truth...no matter how well your manuscript is written.  With that knowledge, acknowledge who WILL read your book and aim your promotional efforts at them.

Your promotional efforts should be done in stages.  After you've established who will read your book, find out where your audience congregate.

For instance, if you've written a book on self-help, wouldn't it make sense to reach out to organizations that would welcome your expertise?  Those organizations (and let's use mental health as an example) may provide you with some information that would prove to be invaluable as to where you can begin the promotion process.

Keep in mind that every organization may not be willing to speak with you, but the more times you try, the greater the chances are that one will be willing to give you some time.  They may even want to offer you a platform to speak about the topic of your work assuming that you've made a good case as to why you are qualified to write the book that you did.

Be armed with cards that will have your contact information.  If you have copies of your book on hand, be prepared to give away a few to those organizations so that they can see your work up close and personal.  While doing this, you should also be willing to create a buzz about your work by investing in yourself and taking out some space in local publications in the media including their Facebook page (once you have gained their permission to do so of course.)

Send them your press release.  See if they will be willing to give you a spot on their website and then blast this out to your following on your blog, website and Facebook page.

This is laying the ground work for your book.

Once you've done this, arrange for your official book release party and invite those same organizations to the event!

Your reach may be different and you may change or tweek your efforts depending on the subject matter of your work.  But you get my idea.

I wish you luck and remember, doing nothing gets you nothing...doing something may get you results!

J.L. Whitehead

The Year of Change

I've thought long and hard before diving head first into this issue.  Initially, I thought that this would be something that I could discuss, possibly even write about without opening up too many doors that I struggled to keep locked over the years.

I don't look at myself as a victim.  I don't look at what happened to me as something so tragic that I've lost all sight of who I am or who I strive to be.  I'm still walking the walk.  I am a work in progress.

I wish I could tell you that being a survivor is full of triumphant moments and that I have a deeper understanding of myself.  To say that would be a half-truth.

The reality is that between the ages of six and fourteen, I had been the victim of child molestation.  The reality is that I had been changed emotionally and that to this day, my life reflects those changes.  I still catch glimpses of who I would have been, but I also deal with who I am now as an individual.

Much like an alcoholic who is in recovery that works their program one day at a time, as a survivor, you have to do the same.  Simply because you realize that something of extreme value was taken from you doesn't mean  that all of your problems that resulted from those encounters will be over.

You will have good and bad days.  Some days will be very easy and others you will struggle with. 

As part of initiating a much needed dialogue about this topic, I've participated in a documentary about it.  I am very candid about what took place.  I take my share of responsibility willingly.  Maybe I should be angry or hold grudges about what happened to me.  Ironically, I don't.

I had the good fortune to meet another abuse survivor when I reviewed her book entitled, "Without Permission."  Author Sharon R. Wells tells her story in the way that only she can tell it, only now, she is attempting to help others who have experienced the trauma of being violated by a predator.

2015 will be the year of change...both for myself as well as others around me.

Here is the link to the trailer of the documentary, "Without Permission."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nme_TP2y0Q&sns=fb

Men Don't Talk About It!

Men Don't Talk About It!!

We're used to being protector's, providers and caregivers.  We are used to being the ones that our families come to when they need strength and protection.

Unfortunately, many of us (1-6 to be precise) have been the victims of child molestation.  We don't talk about it because it is so far removed from the roles in life that we portray.  In all of those hats that we wear, being a victim isn't one of them.

We don't talk about it because it is easier to repress and forget rather than to relive and recover.

In the course of speaking with some male survivors, I've come to realize that when something is taken from you unwillingly, your response may range from anger to indifference.  We may not understand that from the moment of that first touch, wanted or unwanted, your emotional psyche has been altered.  For heterosexual men, the emotion thrown out of whack for them may be anger.  After all, it isn't natural for a heterosexual man to sleep with another man.

But what about gay men?  If it is natural for a gay man to sleep with another man, what emotion is thrown out of whack for them?

Being an abuse survivor who admits to being gay, I've come to realize that the emotion that was compromised for me was the need for love, inclusion and acceptance.

In "45 Years of Dark" I chronicle my personal experiences from the time of my molestations (Yes...it happened more than once by more than one perpatrator) to my realization that I was a victim and that I needed to reclaim what many a gay man needs to reclaim...their sense of their true self.

It took a lot out of me to put this project together and initially, I didn't even want to write it because I didn't want to relive the darker parts of my life.  But as the title suggest, I've lived in the dark for most of  my life.  It's time to shine the light into those dark places and walk into the warmth of healing.

This book is for any gay man who knows what it is like to have their innocence compromised because of a predator.

~ J.L. Whitehead

The Egotism in the Writing Industry

Every author thinks that he or she has written the next million seller.  Every author who puts pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) will enter the literary industry thinking that their writing talent and business savvy will take them into a different way of life.

It takes guts to begin a project and see it through to the end.  You don't know how your work will be received.  You don't know how well it will sell...and no matter what you may tell yourself, you secretly hope that you  hit lightning in a bottle and somehow propel yourself into the realm of novel-writing royalty.

Realty has a tendency to wrap you in it's cool embrace when you start to realize that the Kathryn Stockett's of the world are far and few between...that indeed, the fame that was obtained by the author mentioned previously is the exception and not the norm.

I like reading the works of my fellow authors.  It helps me keep my finger on the pulse of what is going on in the literary industry; and while I understand that the viewpoints expressed in my reviews is exclusively mine, I try to be as fair and objective as possible.  In the course of writing a review, I send out a listing of the Pros and Cons of their work; something that most people in my position don't have to do.

The problem comes when author's only want to hear the "good" but not the "bad."  Or more succinctly put, they want the praise, but don't want the constructive criticism that comes with being an author.

With that being said, here is something that I wrote in September, 2013.  In some cases and with some authors, it really is worth repeating:

Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before Entering The Writing Industry!

1.  No matter how good you think you work is, everyone will not like what you've written...and they aren't supposed to.

     Writing is driven by perspective, and everyone will not share yours.  No matter how many  nods of approval you get, there will always be someone that will look at your book and not give it the approval that you feel it deserves.  Take it for what it's worth.  Don't let it discourage you and move on.

2.  Read the works of others...constantly!

     Don't become so involved with your own storyline that you don't have the time or patience to read the works of others.  Overall, it will make you a better writer and it will help you keep your finger on the pulse of the works of your constituents in the industry.

3.  Don't do business with friends.

     This sounds cold, but it really isn't.  I've lost a great deal of money and had friendships tainted because we decided to go into business together.  Oftentimes, it was because the person that I went into business with couldn't deliver what they promised...so instead of giving me what I paid for, they gave me something and then hoped that for the sake of friendship, I wouldn't be too upset over the loss.  The problem is, they aren't willing to give you even a portion of your money back because in their mind, they gave you "something."  Save your time and preserve your friendship...unless you are absolutely sure that they can live up to your expectations, don't do business with friends.

4.  Make sure that whomever you decide to do business with have verifiable references and examples of their work.

     People are funny.  Many times, people that go into business for themselves are always looking for new clients.  In doing so, they may see a need in you that they believe wholeheartedly that they can fill, even if they can't.  Save yourself some time, money and aggravation by asking two important questions:  1.  Do you have examples of your work?  2.  Do you have verifiable references?  If they don't have those two things, keep it moving.  I could have saved myself so much money if I had asked those two questions before forming business relationships.

5.  Have your work proofread...and then hire a reputable editor.

     I don't have to elaborate on this...do I?

6.  Listen to constructive criticism.

     I released the second half of my book recently.  It is currently on Amazon right now for sale.  During the upload process, I lost all of my quotation marks.  Another author pointed it out to me.  And even though I already knew it, he was bringing it to my attention not to be mean or callous, but to advise me of something that he may have thought I overlooked.  Bottom line is that he was right.  Learn to accept the criticism as well as the compliments.

7.  Promote your own work, but don't alienate your audience.

     This is hard because while you want people to know about your work, you don't want to bombard them to the point where they have no interest in it.  For instance, if you have a Facebook account and you drop people into conversations to tell them about your work, some people don't like being included in conversations that they haven't elected to participate in.  I see it all the time.  Know who your audience is and play up to them in such a way that you don't appear like the only thing of interest to you is your work...even if it's true for the moment.

8.  Be prepared to take your knocks!

     Things very rarely go as planned.  Many times, you will encounter obstacle after obstacle that will hinder you from getting you to where you are trying to get to.  It can be maddening, but it is part of the process.  For instance, when I uploaded the second installment of my book, I thought to myself, "That's it.  I'm done."  And then I took a deep breath only to find out that the my quotations marks were eliminated during the upload process and that I had to do more work to give my readership a better reading experience.  It's crazy, but I wasn't prepared for so many obstacles to block me from reaching my goal.  But they're there.  Just be ready for them.

9.   Write when your mind is clear.

      Have you ever had a bad day at work or had something personal going on but you wanted to work on your book anyway just for the sake of getting another chapter done?  I am a "mood" writer.  I can't write when I'm upset or worked up about something.  Others can.  But the ones that can find that they don't do their best work when their mind is otherwise preoccupied.  Clear your head.  Or better yet, deal with what pissed you off as best as you can before you start putting fingers to keyboard.

10.  Set aside time in this industry to write for you and only you.

       I blog and have two columns in two publications.  Most of the time, I'm writing to showcase someone elses work.  I thought by paying it forward, I could shed some light on another author that could use it and at the same time, shed some light on myself.  It doesn't always work out that way; yet I wouldn't change the way I do things...except for this:  Make sure you set aside time to write for you!  Work on your book, your poetry, your letters...anything that you can call exclusively yours.  Because sometimes at the end of the day, you are all you have.

~ J.L. Whitehead

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful mothers out there who had put their children first and worked overtime to lead by example and prepare them for a sometimes harsh and unforgiving world. In 2011, I prepared a dedication to my very own mother who I treasure dearly. The words written then are more than appropriate today. Thank you Mom for all of the remembered birthdays, joyful holidays and motherly love that you have showered myself and my brothers with throughout our lifetime!

~ J.L.Whitehead 

http://www.examiner.com/article/naomi

 

What is "Climbing to the top?"

Every author has had this thought in his or her mind when they initially embarked on creating their first published work:

"I'm going to write something so awesome that people will want to know my name.  I'll be able to make money doing what I love...and if I'm lucky, achieve celebrity status."

That's about it in a nutshell.  We've all thought it.  We've all aspired to accomplish it.  But what is the proper way to achieve it?  What is the direction of climbing to the top?  Is it the destination, journey or a combination of the two?

What happens to the millions of us who may never achieve super stardom status?  Will you be content with making a few dollars from your work?  Will you be satisfied with the journey into the literary industry or will you keep pushing until you hit pay dirt?

And I guess the only way to really answer that question is to ask yourself another one.  Why do you write in the first place?  If you are writing for profit, what is your game plan?  What is your strategy?  Who do you know in the industry that can help you to achieve your goal and if you don't know anyone, who do you intend to get to know?  Who comprises your literary network?

By now, you should know that being an author isn't about book signings and royalty fees.  It's hard work.  It's grueling and sometimes even thankless.

But the climb to the top has it's rewards as long as you educate yourself, build up a thick skin and are prepared to take your knocks.  Climbing to the top is truly in the journey...and if you're lucky, you'll pause and be able to look back at where you've come from and be proud of how high you've ascended.

~ J.L. Whitehead

Re-Thinking Writing

I've been thinking about writing lately.  As a matter of fact, I've been praying about it.  Although I've accomplished so much in this industry, at times I feel like I've hit the proverbial "glass ceiling" and no matter what I do, I can't get past it.

It's not that I don't enjoy writing.  It actually brings me a great deal of comfort when I have the time to do it.  The issue at hand is that I am taking a step back from writing to regroup, re-plan, recharge and re-form.

As I continue to live life and carve out time for my full time job, my other half, family, friends, loved ones and God, I realize that I have to allow more time to hone my craft to be the best that I can be in this industry.  Indeed, don't we all?

I smile as I say this because my other half always asks me when am I going to become rich and famous so that we can both retire.  I had to explain while laughing that we're both going to retire whether I am rich and famous or not.

But I digress, when it come to writing, I am of the mindset that different people write for different reasons.  Many of us hope to be able to carve out a living with our craft.  Others hope to gain recognition for what they love to do...at some point, they may even hope to obtain celebrity status.  Still, some of us just love to write and will take the accolades along with the criticisms.  They will sell a book or two and still keep pushing.  I believe that I fall into the category of the latter.  But with all of that being said, I would love to be able to do what I do and make my living from that.  That is part of my objective.  Maybe this is why it has taken me so long to get to where I want to get to.

Still, I've heard that it's not so much the destination as it is the journey.  You learn about yourself and you learn about others.  But like any traveler when embarking on a journey, you get tired and you need to rest.  In my case, I need to regroup, re-plan, recharge and re-form.  Regroup to gather my bearings; re-plan to figure out my strategy; recharge to rediscover my passion and re-form to implement my plan.

I love to write.  I always have and I always will.  Giving up is NEVER an option.  Slowing down from time to time?  Yes.  But quitting?  No!

Hit me up at www.fourbrotherspublications.com and share your thoughts with me!

~ J.L. Whitehead

The Writer's Megaphone shouts out author Janell

Most times, when stories are written, the interpretation of the story is left up to the readers.  Recently, I wrote a review for the novel entitled, "Spell" written by author Janell.  In addition to reading the book, I had the pleasure of sitting down with author Janell to ask her five individual questions about her work.  The Writer's Megaphone is proud to put author Janell in the spotlight, giving her a well-deserved shout out.

JLW:  Since the release of "Spell", how has this work been received?

Janell:  I've received a lot of great feedback about the book. Spell was my first thriller novel and I wasn't sure how readers would respond to a story about such a rarely discussed topic. Writing about witchcraft and religion took a lot of courage. It forced me to research ideas and explore notions that even I wasn't completely comfortable with. The answers to common questions weren't always clear, so I tried to take all that I'd learned in the research process and give it back as authentically as possible to readers through Christian fiction. Though some have reported feeling a little "creeped out" or uncomfortable at times, for the most part, readers have appreciated both the message in the story and a fresh storyline that has not been overdone. 

JLW:  Would you mind sharing some of the feedback that you have received, both pro and con?

Janell:  Most readers have reported enjoying the ending. There are some unexpected surprises in the book's final chapters that have left a lasting impression. Many readers report the fast-paced style and short chapters made it difficult to put down. People also seemed to enjoy the three character point of view which allowed each of the main players to have a voice, and prevented the "good guys" from looking too good and the "bad guy" from being all bad. The biggest con would people readers wanting more. I originally did not plan for a sequel to the book, but right before its release, I realized that readers weren't going to be happy if I didn't continue the story. Not that there isn't an ending, because I do end the book with a resolution, but like any good thriller, readers are left contemplating the future of the characters. This is a con for me because like many authors, a sequel is not always the next book we want to write. Sometimes the characters get on our nerves too and we're ready to wash our hands of them. Nevertheless, Spell 2 is in the works.

JLW: Without divulging the entire plot of the book, what is the message that you hope your readers will take away from the storyline that you presented?

Janell:  With Spell, I tried not to tell the reader what to think about witchcraft, but to understand that it's dangerous and nothing to play with. In the story, I raise the question of can Christians be impacted by witchcraft. In some ways, the book provides an answer to this, and in other ways, it does not. My goal was not to give an exact answer, but to stir up conversations and awareness, exploring the possibilities instead. I want readers to examine their perceptions of evil and spiritual warfare, and to realize that while good is working on your behalf, evil is also working to kill, steal, and destroy.

JLW:  How difficult was it for you to create a storyline that some would say would be a complete departure from your normal writing style genre?

Janell:  It was both difficult and easy. It was easy because writing thrillers allows me to be more creative and use my imagination much more so than writing reality-based novels. I enjoyed coming up with the most insane ideas and watching them develop over the course of the story. Alternatively, it was difficult because I had to face new challenges such as finding new readers for this change of genre, persuading my old readership to follow me to the "dark side" (LOL), maintaining a fast-paced storyline which is different from my usually medium-paced style, and dealing with the spiritual attacks that come with writing spiritually-oriented books. No one told me that when you write about spiritual warfare, you find yourself smack dab in the midst of it. That wasn't much fun, but I survived it and learned a lot in the process.

JLW: Will there be a sequel to "Spell" or are you done working with these characters?

Janell:  As I previously stated, there is a sequel to Spell. Spell is actually a trilogy that consists of the initial novel, the sequel, Spell 2, and the prequel, Spell 3. My hope is release both Spell 2 and 3 in 2015.

Review of Spell as printed in The Examiner:

http://www.examiner.com/review/spell-by-janell?cid=db_articles

~ J.L. Whitehead

Review Writing 101

Recently, I had the pleasure of reviewing the works of one of my constituents in the writing industry.  After reading her work carefully, I phoned her and we chatted at length about her project during which I cited the high points of her work.

When I sat down to write the formal review, I gave the work four out of five stars, but as my fingers touched the keyboard, I realized that something was missing for me regarding her storyline, and it wasn't until I started writing the review that I realized what it was.

The review itself was not what I would have considered poor by any means.  As a matter of fact, I actually wrote that the work was good.  But within my review, I pointed out something that from my perspective wasn't there for me as a reader which may have come across as a negative.

After speaking with the author, I realized that the mistake that was made was that I strayed from my formula for putting reviews together.  Normally, I email the pros and cons to the author regarding  what I enjoyed about the work as well as what I didn't particularly care for...whether it be the editing, character development or interpretation of plot.  In this instance, I didn't send an email.  Instead, we talked.

Creating the email allows me time to let the full story marinate in my mind so that I can be as objective as possible when I write the review, and it allows the author the time to prepare for what is ultimately going to be written about his or her work.  Hence, they know what I am going to write but not necessarily what the exact language is that I am going to use.  No one will be blindsided.

For as long as I have been writing reviews, this formula has worked for me because it allowed me to be able to say what I truly thought about the author's work without my words coming across as if I were attacking him or her.

Moving forward, this will not happen again because I realize that part of the review writing process is to be completely transparent.  The author will be ready to accept what you write (even if the review is less than stellar), as long they know what you are writing is honest and fair.

As I move forward into 2014 the reviews that I will write will have several components to them including the most important piece which is the "Pros and Cons" email.  The review will appear on The Examiner and possibly CNN.  I will also host the Q&A section on The Writer's Megaphone platform which will include the link to the article and promote it accordingly to grant further exposure.  This, of course, will be at my discretion.  Some works will appear on this site, some will just have the review...but all of this is is done with the intention of granting exposure to authors using the social media tools that I have at my disposal.

There is so much talent in the literary industry and much of that talent is well deserving of having as much exposure as possible.  This is something that I enjoy doing and that as long as it is still enjoyable, I will continue to do since I do this on my own time.

Look for features that will showcase the talents of writers that you've heard of and some that you haven't.  The best is yet to come!

And while you're at it, take a look at my new website! It was in great need of an overhaul!

www.fourbrotherspublications.com

Keep Writing!

~ J.L. Whitehead

Paying your dues in the Writing Industry

I used to think of "paying your dues" as an expression that indicated that you've invested the appropriate amount of time in a craft and now you were ready for the rewards.  I used to think that it meant that you had to make the right amount of connections, taking perhaps years instead of months.

I used to think this.

But I've realized that as I write this, paying your dues means so much more than that.  Paying your dues isn't based on how many books that you did or did not sell.  That's a very small equation of the process to say the least.

I believe that paying your dues is time invested, networks trusted and failed, friendships gained and lost in addition to the proverbial gauge of monies made.

I took a risk when I entered this industry many years ago.  I had a manuscript that was picked up by a publisher who initially thought the world of me and my work.  We talked endlessly about the plot shifts and changes; so much so that I came away feeling that I truly had a best seller on my hands.  It ended with the the dissolution of our business relationship.  But  in our brief business dealings, I gained knowledge which fueled me to move forward and establish my own company to publish my own books.  Initially, I thought that I would want to publish other authors, and while I may consider that option in the future, that isn't the avenue that I wish to pursue currently.

Everyday brings a different experience for me.  Every week, there is something new to learn.  Every month, I am meeting someone new who may add to my thought process in what direction to take my business and my work.  That is the norm for me now, but it wasn't always the case.

Paying your dues isn't a destination, it's a journey.  You learn your industry, hone your craft, build connections...but above all, you keep writing.

I've lost money.  Some of my friendships have been permanently tainted.  There are business relationships that I used to have that no longer exist.  But through it all, I'm still learning because at the end of the day, this is what you are supposed to do.  It is all part of the paying your dues process.

Branding yourself is also part of the process.  Who are you?  What do you want to be known for?  Are you a publisher?  If you aren't and you aspire to be one, why?  Are you a writer?  If so, what do you write and why?  What do you hope to become in this industry?  Besides money, what do you hope to gain?  How do you want people to remember you?  These are all questions that you need to be asking yourself.  I asked myself those questions.  And at least once a year, I still do.  Goals and reasons change.  Sometimes, you aren't even aware of when they do.

Keep learning, because in addition to the vast amounts of talent that saturate our industry, there is also a wealth of knowledge.  I've found out that paying your dues, never really stops.  It just changes from time to time with the knowledge and experience that you gain.

~ J.L. Whitehead

Quote:  "I believe that paying your dues is time invested, networks trusted and failed, friendships gained and lost in addition to the proverbial gauge of monies made."