Sunday, December 28, 2014
The Year of Change
I've thought long and hard before diving head first into this issue. Initially, I thought that this would be something that I could discuss, possibly even write about without opening up too many doors that I struggled to keep locked over the years.
I don't look at myself as a victim. I don't look at what happened to me as something so tragic that I've lost all sight of who I am or who I strive to be. I'm still walking the walk. I am a work in progress.
I wish I could tell you that being a survivor is full of triumphant moments and that I have a deeper understanding of myself. To say that would be a half-truth.
The reality is that between the ages of six and fourteen, I had been the victim of child molestation. The reality is that I had been changed emotionally and that to this day, my life reflects those changes. I still catch glimpses of who I would have been, but I also deal with who I am now as an individual.
Much like an alcoholic who is in recovery that works their program one day at a time, as a survivor, you have to do the same. Simply because you realize that something of extreme value was taken from you doesn't mean that all of your problems that resulted from those encounters will be over.
You will have good and bad days. Some days will be very easy and others you will struggle with.
As part of initiating a much needed dialogue about this topic, I've participated in a documentary about it. I am very candid about what took place. I take my share of responsibility willingly. Maybe I should be angry or hold grudges about what happened to me. Ironically, I don't.
I had the good fortune to meet another abuse survivor when I reviewed her book entitled, "Without Permission." Author Sharon R. Wells tells her story in the way that only she can tell it, only now, she is attempting to help others who have experienced the trauma of being violated by a predator.
2015 will be the year of change...both for myself as well as others around me.
Here is the link to the trailer of the documentary, "Without Permission."