Men Don't Talk About It!!
We're used to being protector's, providers and caregivers. We are used to being the ones that our families come to when they need strength and protection.
Unfortunately, many of us (1-6 to be precise) have been the victims of child molestation. We don't talk about it because it is so far removed from the roles in life that we portray. In all of those hats that we wear, being a victim isn't one of them.
We don't talk about it because it is easier to repress and forget rather than to relive and recover.
In the course of speaking with some male survivors, I've come to realize that when something is taken from you unwillingly, your response may range from anger to indifference. We may not understand that from the moment of that first touch, wanted or unwanted, your emotional psyche has been altered. For heterosexual men, the emotion thrown out of whack for them may be anger. After all, it isn't natural for a heterosexual man to sleep with another man.
But what about gay men? If it is natural for a gay man to sleep with another man, what emotion is thrown out of whack for them?
Being an abuse survivor who admits to being gay, I've come to realize that the emotion that was compromised for me was the need for love, inclusion and acceptance.
In "45 Years of Dark" I chronicle my personal experiences from the time of my molestations (Yes...it happened more than once by more than one perpatrator) to my realization that I was a victim and that I needed to reclaim what many a gay man needs to reclaim...their sense of their true self.
It took a lot out of me to put this project together and initially, I didn't even want to write it because I didn't want to relive the darker parts of my life. But as the title suggest, I've lived in the dark for most of my life. It's time to shine the light into those dark places and walk into the warmth of healing.
This book is for any gay man who knows what it is like to have their innocence compromised because of a predator.
~ J.L. Whitehead