Is the media REALLY the enemy of the American People?

I've been trying very hard not to watch the news as intently as I have been over the past year.  It's not that I don't want to be well-informed about the issues that we as a nation are facing.  It's more around the fact that what I am seeing in the news bothers me to the point where I have to tune out as opposed to tuning in, allowing myself a fast from politics...at least for a day or two.

The president has officially declared war on the media by stating (rather repeatedly) that they are the enemy; not of him but the American People.  And unfortunately, some will buy into that logic even though the ones that do believe and subscribe to that ideology should be able to see what is going on right before their eyes.

Mr. Trump caters to his fan base...the people that voted for him and hang onto his every word whenever he speaks or has something to say.  And right now, he is playing a dangerous game by declaring war on the media by calling the news reporting outlets that are critical of some of the things that he has said and done since he assumed the role of commander in chief fake.  The danger is in discrediting highly respected news reporting outlets that have never been labeled the enemy of the American people until now.  In fact, the only thing that these agencies have done is report the news; regardless of whether they are in praise of Mr. Trump or not.  It just so happens that they don't have much room for praise because Mr. Trump has not done anything of late except attempting to keep the promises that he made to his fan base which is not the vast majority of the American people.  Mind you, while that may be of significant importance to him, the role of commander in chief is to govern for all of America and not just the few that put him in office.

What worries me is that while he is attacking the media for doing their job, I have to wonder what else is driving his behavior.  While I am sure that part of it is because he loves to be praised (which will explain why he adamantly supports Fox News) there may be a more nefarious reason as to why he is attacking the media with such fervor...and that reason may be his possible ties to Russia.

What better way to dismiss the claims that his presidency may not be legitimate by attacking the media that would report what took place if it is established that members of his campaign had been in collusion with Russia to help him win an election which he might not have won otherwise?  It's a thought.

But the bigger threat is by silencing the media, he places the very people that put him into office at risk.  God forbid if anything catastrophic should occur and the attempts to warn the American public would go unheeded because the trust had been eroded by the president.

The news is meant to inform.  Our democracy was built upon the idea that freedom of the press comes at the expense of anyone or anything that is doing wrong as much as its to the glee of someone or something that is doing right.  To silence that voice would be of serious detriment to our society.

The following is the definition of the first amendment:

Amendment Text | Annotations. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

As I stated before and it bears repeating;

The president does not have a problem with the media as much as he has a problem with the truth.  To attack the media that does not praise him is unfair and therefore a threat to our democracy and his job is to enforce and adhere to our constitution.

~ J.L. Whitehead

In the current age that we are in, can we unite a nation?

Politics has been keeping me up at night.  I have been watching MSNBC, CNN and Fox in an effort to understand our political system more and more.  I wonder what is the driving force behind the diehard Trump Supporter as well as the ones that don't believe in him.   Admittedly, it's been hard if not downright perplexing to understand until I realized one proverbial thing:

People have a tendency to get behind and believe in a candidate that speaks to their immediate need and once that candidate has done that, very little can be done to dissuade them.  People have an emotional tie to the person that they feel represents them.  They feel this deep personal sense of loyalty to that individual which may explain why some Trump supporters will dismiss the president's missteps; in essence giving Mr Trump a free pass whenever he does or says something that may offend and/or alienate another group of people from a different demographic.  They are willing to overlook the presidents mistakes because they want to believe that he is the person that will right the wrong that has been inflicted upon them.

The want to believe may be so strong that they will believe at all costs; and the only thing that will shake that belief is if the president does something so catastrophic that it severely impacts them negatively.  The keyword of course being that it impacts them, because the true Trump supporter/follower does not care if the president does nothing to help Muslims, People of Color, Jews or Women.  The concept that a president is supposed to govern for all, not a few is somewhat foreign to them.  Therefore, they take it personally when you don't support Mr. Trump.

I suppose the same can be said for my support of the former president.  I take it personally when Trump supporters attack him and him alone for not getting anything done from a congressional standpoint when the larger part of the blame rests with the Republican Congress.

So can we unite as a nation?  Eventually, but now is not the time.  I would love to be able to say that we could be united under our current president, but that's not going to happen because he has successfully widened the divide.  Never have I seen the rift between Americans so great than it is currently.   And that is sad because our enemies know that a nation divided against itself cannot stand...and they are waiting.

~ J.L. Whitehead

The Good News Is...

Underneath the surface of our current political climate runs the pulse of regular America.  By regular America, I mean the hardworking men and women of this country that are comprised of many ethnic backgrounds, races and cultures.

Right after the presidential election, I was uncertain as to how I was going to interact with white people that I didn't know.  With our country being divided because of the rhetoric that our president has espoused during his campaign, I didn't know if I would encounter someone that was filled with hate, hope or indifference.

As of late, I have run into white people that have looked right though me as if I didn't have the right to occupy the same space as they.  But I have encountered more white people that have gone out of their way to greet, engage and acknowledge me...almost as if they were silently saying that they do not subscribe to the ideologies that have divided our nation.

Some of my fellow African Americans may be thinking why I should care whether "they" acknowledge me or not.  I care because there are so many of us; black, white, Asian and Latino that are willing to be united into a world where no one race dominates and decides what the other races are entitled to.

In my very own church, I am seeing the call to arms to love each other just a little bit deeper and to care just a little bit more.  More importantly, I am seeing the call to action taking root in the actions of people.

We will never be a perfect society.  We will always have our flaws.  There will always be someone who will think that they are more entitled for reasons that may escape the rest of us.

But what this current administration is teaching us is that we are all challenged to do better.  We have to.  And as a result, maybe the world will gradually evolve into a better place for all of us.  With hope and action, we can and must do better by one another.  We must look out for our sisters to ensure that their rights are  not being violated.  We must care about other nationalities because as I've said before, when justice for one fails, it fails for all of us.  It will be a slow and gradual process, but it will happen because true change comes from within.

In the next few years, we will be tested.  There will be triumphs that will astound and bewilder us.  But we must continue to fight for the best in us because that is whats at stake.

Billionaires who know nothing about struggling are running this country.  They are making decisions that will impact all of us.  But we will survive and we will be better.

But it starts with changing how we first and foremost view ourselves and then morph into how we view others.

The good news is that we the people have a chance for a do over.  We know that the majority of us do  not subscribe to racist ideologies.  We know that other minorities are not the cause of our problems.  We know that the rights of one reflects the rights of all.

So take comfort in that as we move forward!

~ J.L. Whitehead

People STOP...and let's regroup!

It was one of those nights last night where I lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling.  I couldn't turn my mind off to save my life.  The inauguration is over and we have a new administration in place and for the first time in my life, I feel uncertain as to what the future holds for me, both as an African American and a member of the LGBTQ Community.  In many ways, it's like waiting for the next shoe to drop.

My country has been divided...polarized in ways that I have read about in history books and watched in documentaries.  People are hurt, disappointed...and angry.  Donald Trump coming to presidency should have never happened, and it could have been avoided if the government officials that we appointed to do the jobs that they were elected to perform on our behalf had simply did their jobs.

What is needed now more than ever is for leaders, young and old, to step to the forefront because this administration does not define who we are collectively as a people.  We all want the opportunity for advancement as well as equal pay for equal work.  A woman's right to do what she wants to do with her own body is not anyone's decision except for that woman.  Banning all Muslims from entering this country will not stop ISIS.  And while we are on the subject of terrorism, what about the men that have caused a senseless loss of life for a myriad of reasons from mental illness to white supremacy?

As I've watched our new president in action, I understand that by nature he is somewhat of a bully.  Those tactics work well in the business community but does not necessarily translate well to the leader of the free world.

Everyone is not going to agree with him nor will they always have praise for him...but sometimes that seems to be the expectation.  And if you don't provide either, you are branded "false news" or that somehow, you are a traitor.

I do not subscribe to many of Mr. Trumps ideologies because he has never addressed the concerns that directly impact me from both an African American and LGBTQ perspective.  Many of his supporters/followers (and yes, there is a difference) voted for him knowing that he will not govern for all of America the way that a presidential leader should.  They are primarily concerned that his decisions does not adversely impact them and if those decisions impacts another demographic group negatively, it's okay.  It will not hurt them in the long run.

Out of his supporters, there are those that are genuinely concerned about the restoration of jobs to America.  I get it.  People are concerned about the safety of the citizens of this country.  I get that too.

And while personally cannot change the disposition, defects of character or temperament of Mr. Trump, we as a people can change the way that we view him and hold him accountable to the policies that he is implementing because if those policies will do more harm then good, he is liable.

Our government works for us.  Sometimes, we forget that.  And the leaders of this country are held to a standard that they are to govern for the people because they were elected by the people. 

Now is the time for our voices to be heard.  What is needed now more than ever are effective orators, planners and leaders.  We need to get beyond riled up so that we can make this country what it has and always should have been.

Making America great again would imply that somehow, it wasn't great.  We have always been great, even if every race and ethnicity couldn't reap the benefits of that greatness based on something as simple as equality.  We are a nation that is comprised of a vast melting pot of cultures, backgrounds and skin tones.  Our differences should be celebrated, not feared.  Injustice impacts all of us.  Injustice will erode the fabric of who and what we are as well as what we stand for.

In short, it is not about "me" and "mine" as much as it is about "we" and "unity."

Never forget that!

~ J.L. Whitehead

One in Six

I've just completed the first draft of my next book.  It took me several years to write it even though the actual page count is a little less than two hundred pages.  The reason why it has taken me so long to write this book is because it was painful for me to recall several low points in my life that I have struggled to forget.

My initial target audience for this book was for gay men, whether they were young or old, black or white.  I thought that it was so important for them to know the true down and dirty that entails sex abuse as well as what constitutes a victim.  There are more of us than we as a society care to acknowledge.  The only problem is, I realized relatively early on that most gay men wont read it.

They wont read it not because the content isn't worthy of reading, but because the subject matter has been done before; maybe not by an African American man, but done all the same. 

After completing the first draft, I thought who would want to read this work and what purpose would it serve?

The content of the book is heart breaking at times, written from a truthful and honest perspective.  Who better to tell my story than I?  It wasn't until I wrote the book that I realized that not only had I been molested, but that at one point in time, I had been raped which is something that still doesn't sit well with me because I still subscribe to the ideology that men cannot be raped.  I still subscribe to the thought process that somewhere, the boy must have wanted it otherwise he would not have put himself in that position.

But it's that same thought process that buys silence.  It's the reluctance to say what really happened that empowers a pedophile.  Initially, I kept that part out of the book.  I did until someone who read the manuscript said to me that I was holding back...she could tell.  And then I had to talk it out with my partner and found that in talking about it, I was still, after all this time, upset about it and didn't understand why.  I added the piece into the story line because it, regardless of how painful it was, is part of my truth.

In order to help someone else, you have to get into the down and dirty.  You have to let the "ilk" rise to the surface so that you can set it free. 

I wasn't sure that I could do this.  I wasn't sure that I could bring myself to talk about a chapter in my life that I fought to leave behind. 

But I'm breathing now...a little bit deeper and my head held just a little bit higher.  It will be okay because it has been okay up to this point...even if being okay was just a facade.

I realized now that the importance of the book isn't just for gay men.  The importance of the book is for any single woman who has a child.  I tell the story from the perspective of both a 13 year old boy as well as an adult man.  Both of these people are me.  I describe what happened, what was going on in my head and what happened to me after the incidents transpired.

Hopefully, it will give a mother something to think about if she suspects that something is going on with her child.  Because statistically, it happens to every sixth boy.  That's one in six.

I hope that I'm getting all of this out right.  After all, these are factual events, but just because they are doesn't necessarily mean that you will have a happy ending.  Sometimes, you just have an ending.

After all, we're all works in progress.

~ J.L. Whitehead

"Untitled" by Brian Stark

This one goes out to all the slaves of all form and size.

Not those slaving away--that is a poem for another day. 

Not those whom enslave--that's a poem for Tuesday and every, other day. 

This one goes to out to the most suffering of any one of us. 

And I am saddened to exclaim---people don’t even know you! 

I get messages on Facebook about does child sex slavery really exist! 

I speak about such things and in real life I have Zero friends! 

This one and every other one goes out to them--in hope of Freedom for you.

That the people stop electing corrupt puppets to lead us through these lands! 

O! No this can not be Reality---where could be yet not all free, fed, sheltered---- 

Yet it is---for all---those in bubbles, those who hide, those who cause, and those that die.

 

Brian Stark

Everyone needs to stand for something.  Everyone deserves the right to be heard as long as the message does not infringe upon the dignity and rights of others.

To read more of this artists work, click on the link below:

https://www.facebook.com/poetrynow/

~ J.L. Whitehead

Paying it Forward!

Good Evening Authors and Poets ! This message is aimed primarily at the members of the Literary Community. I decided that in 2017, I would pay it forward and list your information on my FB Page, Four Brothers FB Page and on my website.

Here is my disclaimer:

I am providing you basic information. I do not guarantee the results of your interaction with anyone listed. I simply provide their information.

As someone in the business, it is up to you to do your homework, ask the appropriate questions and then ultimately make the decision in regards to conducting business with the contact.

The first contact of the year is as follows:

Cora Bratner

 

 

Author and Ghost Writer for Christians who have a story to tell but may not know how to go about it.

Website: maryalicegypsynurse.com

Email: cleeowen@comcast.net

I highly recommend that you ask two questions:

1. Do you have examples of your work?

2. Do you have verifiable references?

Any additional questions that you can think of to assist in the vetting process is up to you!

~ J.L. Whitehead

The step towards eradicating racism is...

As our nation moves into an era of uncharted waters and much uncertainty, I am reminded of a conversation that I had recently with my pharmacist.  She is an endearing person with a wonderful personality.  Our exchanges have always been full of laughter with the occasional serious overtone.  It has always been that way.

On one of my last visits, I shared with her my hesitancy to interact with white people the way that I used to. I find myself second guessing the person's intent, something that I never gave much thought to in all the years that I have been alive.  I knew that there would always be a demographic of white people that would look at me and see my skin color and nothing more.  I knew that they existed and in their existence, judged me, regardless of whether their assumptions were fair or unfair.  Every person of color has experienced this at one time or another...and yet, it never stopped me from interacting with them in the assumption that you will treat me fairly and with the dignity in which I carry myself.

And yet, I am always surprised when people don't see me for who I am.  They don't see the man that has aspirations of contributing something positive to the world...that I am a hardworking individual who wants to earn his way as opposed to being given a free handout.  Most of us don't want that.  But that doesn't stop people from thinking incorrectly that we do.

As I navigated social and professional circles throughout my life, I found myself being judged, at times before I even opened my mouth.  I was judged by both black and white people alike.  As a young man, I was judged by blacks as being not black enough.  I spoke and acted too "white."  And I realized that I simply didn't speak enough slang and didn't blend in enough with black culture because of the way I dressed.  As I grew older still, I realized that I didn't fit in with white people for the very same reasons; I didn't adhere to the stereotype that they held of me.  Because I had a decent command of the English language, that meant that I was uppity and that I thought more of myself than I should.

In both cases, both demographics made me feel like I was doing something wrong when in reality, all I was doing was being me...being the man that God had intended me to be.  I realized that this was the crux of the problem with most of us.  Some white people just don't see black people.  Some never will because in order to do so would be to admit that we are capable of feeling, loving, learning and yes, providing for our children.  Even worse, it would force them to admit that black people are deserving of the same rights and privileges that they enjoy and take for granted everyday.

In order for us to have a candid conversation about race in this country, you first have to admit that there is a certain level of perception that needs to be removed.  You cannot paint an entire race of people with the broad paint brush of preconceived notions based on the actions of a small portion of that same group.  All blacks are not poor and ill-mannered just like all whites are not wealthy and racist.

The problem comes when you meet people that adhere to that stereotype.  And that brings me to my initial point.  I second guess my interactions with white people now.  I don't know who adheres to the ideology of white supremacy especially in light of our current political climate.  And yet, there are times when some white people have reached out to me as opposed to looking through me.  A simple one minute exchange is initiated as if to say "I don't am not part of the crazy rhetoric that has torn this country apart."

We can all take the first step of ending a chapter in American history that is marred and tainted with the blood of innocent people.  It begins with the eradication of self entitlement.  Admittedly, it will be harder for some people do than others, for if you have never been disenfranchised, how can you expect to have empathy for those that are?

We know that the enemy comes in all shapes, sizes and colors.  Recently, I saw a picture of what appeared to be four college coeds wearing white tee shirts that  had a word emblazoned upon the chest.  When they stood side by side, the words spelled out the sentence "Make America White Again."  Regardless of whether this is a hoax or not, the sentiment resonates across this country.  There are many white people that believe in "white entitlement."  There are also many people that don't.  The challenge is, how can you tell them apart since they all come enshrouded in white skin?  Do you interact anyway or do you stand by and let them make the first move?  Or even more importantly, do you lend validity to their particular stance at all and keep it moving?

There is no easy answer to this.  You cannot deny that we are a nation built upon the backs of immigrants.  We are multi-cultural and multi-ethnic, so the idea of one race presiding over all of the other races that helped forge this country is absurd.  But like it or not, people will believe what they want to believe without lending much thought to the amount of truth that those beliefs entail.

I guess the words of the day are "See Me."  See past what you think I am and take the time to learn who I am.  See Me.  Learn that who I am and want to be will not in any way be detrimental to you.  This is easier said that done...because at the very root of racism, no one really wants to see the other.  It's easier to live in fear and ignorance.

It's harder to do when black men are dying in the streets at the hands of very people that have taken an oath to protect and to serve.  It hard to do when you are regarded with suspicion in some stores that you patronize.  It is hard to do when you are passed over for a well deserved promotion and instead, it is given to someone whose credentials happens to include being white.

So what do you do?

J.L. Whitehead

We are our brothers keeper

It's been two weeks since America decided to elect Donald J. Trump as our new Commander in Chief, and many of us (depending on who you cast your ballot for) are either elated or in a period of begrudging acceptance.

I, myself went through begrudging acceptance phase last week and realized that I have to move on.  There is nothing that I can do to change the outcome of the election.  It has brought out perhaps the worst in us as a people collectively...but since the pendulum does swing both ways, it can also bring out the best in us.

Like many of you, I was genuinely surprised by the hatred that came out as a result of this election.  I thought that we were moving past this.  Slowly yes, but past it all the same.  And yet, with the introduction of a candidate that seemed to embrace all of the things that we despise in modern society, the ugliness has risen it's head and some white people are saying and behaving in ways that we haven't seen since the 50's and 60's. 

People that subscribe to bigoted ideologies are lowering themselves and their dignity by calling our current First Lady a gorilla in heels or by spray painting inflammatory an statement on the side of a building that read, "black lives and your vote don't matter."

It's enough to make someone that is non-white give pause to responding to thoughts like this with aggression...except we can't do that.  For to do that would be to lend legitimacy to those that harbor racist thoughts.  But what do you do?

We know that we have always lived in a land of the haves and have nots. Furthermore, we know that the haves (for the most part) have been white people and the have nots (for the most part) have been black.  We also know that there is a certain portion of white society that had hid their racist feelings behind political correctness, and now those same people feel emboldened if not empowered to release them.

What we have to realize in all of this is that number one, all white people don't subscribe to those types of ideologies.  We have to remember that there were a huge number of white people that were surprised if not downright outraged by the results of the presidential election.  And since that is the case, we cannot afford to put all white people in  the same basket because it only causes further division.  And in the upcoming times ahead, division is something that we cannot afford.

Secondly, we are truly our brothers keeper.  If we mean what we say, we have to learn that we are now living in a time where we all need to do better for ourselves by doing good for one another.  We must learn how to give to someone in need and care for our own; and by that I simply mean to care for an lift one another up.  It will be difficult because that thought process is new, foreign to most, but it can be done.

More nasty things will be said about us.  More things will be done that will test us.  And more people will feel like it is their right to make life miserable for others based on nothing more than the color of that person's skin, the way that they pray, their gender identity or their sexual orientation.

I do not believe that at the end of the day, we will all join hands and sing Kumbayah.  Life is a bit more complex than that.

But we can start by not giving into hatred.  We can start by demonstrating what it truly means to be thy brothers keeper.

J.L. Whitehead

American Politics: Is this what we've become?

This election has kept me awake at night.  I have found myself lying in bed with eyes closed trying to get to sleep, and yet my mind continued to turn going over the events of the race for the White House.  I wonder who is going to win and how that victory will translate to the betterment of the people of the communities that I am a part of.

We all know that both candidates are flawed and depending on whom you talk to, one candidate’s flaws and inconsistencies will override the other by far.  But this race isn’t strictly about the personal flaws of each candidate.  Or rather, it isn’t ONLY about the flaws of each candidate.

For me, what is very important is how the person that wins the White House will be once they have obtained the office.  How will their decisions impact me and those like me?  Will I be better off a year from now or will I be worse?

I’ve heard bits and pieces of what one candidate will do regarding race relations in this country, and this is a vital topic that needs to be addressed.  This is not just about the shootings that have taken the lives of so many African American men like me.  The concern runs deeper than that.  It is the very perception of African American men that is disconcerting at best.  It is that preconceived notion that we are perhaps not worthy of making a better wage, living in affluent neighborhoods or providing a sense of financial stability for our children.  What should be addressed is the leveling of an economic playing field that has perhaps never been equal for the participants involved.  Someone needs to talk about that.  The unjustified killings are an end result of that thought process.  I would be willing to participate in that conversation.

As everyone knows, our nation’s history is steeped in racism, discriminatory practices and overt sexism.   But the sad part about all of this is that history continues to invade our present.  If it weren’t so, Donald Trump would have never risen to the level that he has.  Though I believe that many of his supporters are not overt racists but people that are tired of politics as usual with little or no say in what matters to them, many of them are.  There are those who still and will always believe in that sense of White Entitlement…which simply means that it doesn’t matter what happens in communities of color because it doesn’t affect me or my family.  Donald Trump is the voice of many Americans who feel as if something of importance was taken away from them.  And despite some of the vile things that he has said and done in the past, he continues to be that voice no matter how UN-inclusive he happens to be.

Many people believe that Hilary Clinton is self-serving and lies when it is convenient for her to lie and honest only when it is equally convenient for her to do so.  And in some circumstances, that may be true.  But I still support her because I believe that she is better equipped to run this country than Mr. Trump.  It’s not that I hate Donald Trump.  Personally, I don’t know the man.  But I’ve seen people like him in action.

He is not a career politician.  He says what he means…but what he means is contingent upon the audience that he stands in front of.   By the same token, the same can be said for Mrs. Clinton.  And yet, I will take the gamble and support her because I would rather have someone occupying the role of Commander-in-Chief that is familiar with world events…not someone that simply says that they are.

It is important for us to know that the person residing in the most coveted position in this country if not the free world needs to have personality traits of someone who can lead effectively.  This involves not only being strong, but possessing quality traits of compassion, caring and to a certain degree…generosity.  It is not enough to just be strong because pure strength is not what got us this far.  I would like to believe that the majority of us are not racist or harbor racist, xenophobic tendencies.   I would like to believe that we all understand that everyone is entitled to equal pay for equal work as well as the opportunities for advancement.

I believe that we are all concerned about national security, terrorism abroad as well as on American soil.  We are concerned that our very way of life is challenged…the good and the bad.  We are concerned about job security and a strong economy.

But in order for these things to be addressed, we need to have a government willing to work with one another for the good of the American People… the key word being American People.  We cannot have someone in office that is promoting and an agenda where only a precious few can and will benefit from.  Somehow, that concept has been forgotten.  

Our Republican Congress had decided that once our current President took office, it was their main mission to ensure that he failed.  Their mission was not about the betterment of the American people but to make sure that the president failed at doing his job.  

As someone who has been paying close attention to this race, I’ve been watching both candidates.  I am familiar with the pasts of both Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton.  Mrs. Clinton has made mistakes that will continually come back to haunt her.   But at the end of the day, despite those mistakes, I believe that she is qualified to be president.  Mr. Trump continues to demonstrate that he does not have the temperament, knowledge or distinctive personality traits needed to govern this nation.  To date, he has never apologized to the many people that he has offended.  Speaking to his temperament, he has a tendency to lash out at anyone that he perceives to be a remote threat, regardless of whether it is factual or not.

So as this race continues, I will watch what is happening in politics.

But here’s a final thought:

Whoever assumes the role of Commander-in-Chief will hopefully reflect the values that we as Americans hold dear.   Regardless of who you prefer, the most important thing that you can do is vote.  If you decide to vote for a candidate that will not or cannot win the White House or if you decide to sit this election out and not vote at all, you are, in fact casting a vote for someone that you may ultimately not want residing in the most important role in this country.

~ J.L. Whitehead

So just exactly how often does molestation happen within communities of color?

In the 50's, 60's and 70's no one ever talked about child sexual abuse.  Most people didn't know how to process the idea of a child, male or female, being violated.  For some parents, it may be the factor of guilt in not being there to protect their child now that the damage has been done.  For survivors, it is about not knowing how to process what has occurred.  For all, it may be as simple as not knowing what to do about it.

What complicates the issue further is that depending on the victim, finding out what really took place may be next to impossible because of the range of emotions involved.  Some will want to protect the molester because they have been groomed to do so.  They may feel a sense of allegiance to them because at the end of the day, the molester made them feel good.  Or, they may feel that they need to protect their family because the perpetrator may be in the family and it will cause chaos in the family unit if the abuse were ever to come to light.  The victim may feel embarrassed because this has happened to them or even worse, they may feel powerless to stop it.

Abusers are smart.  They know how to select a victim and once targeted, the child will be groomed until the act occurs.

In my particular circumstance, my abuser targeted homes where there was no visible father figure.  He preyed on young boys that needed the guidance of a father and willingly offered to fill the void that the absentee father left behind...or at least that's what he did with me.

I missed my father tremendously while growing up...or rather, I missed the idea of him which is why it was so easy for this man to manipulate me into doing things that a 13 year old boy shouldn't be thinking, much less doing.

The molestation went on for only a few months before he moved on to someone else.  I didn't find this out until years later, long after I graduated from high school...long after the trajectory of who I would have been or matured into had been permanently altered.

http://www.childmolestationprevention.org/pages/tell_others_the_facts.html

So just how often does this occur?  I think that it occurs more often than we realize.  On the website "1in6" it is estimated that one in every six boys experience sex inflicted by a molester before the age of 18.  Personally, I think that these statistics are higher because boys don't talk about things like this.  We suffer in silence and carry the after effects with us into our latter years.

https://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/

We abuse drugs, alcohol, sex our partners and each other...and yet we don't know why.  We think that our defects of character are ours and ours alone without making the correlation that something happened to us in our early years that may be the cause of our actions today.

So...what do we do?

J.L. Whitehead