I haven't been on this platform in quite some time and I humbly apologize for that. Being absent from writing doesn't mean that I don't love the craft. In fact, it's far from it. Admittedly, for a very short period of time I lost the joy that I used to get whenever I created good content.
I made the decision to pitch myself into my work at my full time job. But the work increased rapidly and it left me physically exhausted on most days. The realization that my work had taken over my life and left little room for anything else hit me so hard that I had to re-evaluate what I truly wanted in life and why.
I had to decide who I was as well as what I wanted to be. However given the chaos that surrounds each and every one of us makes the decision that much more difficult. This hasn't escaped me. It is an ever looming reality that can consume me if I let it.
So after nearly having what can only be described as a breakdown of some sort, I had some decisions to make...and I am in the process of making them.
But as I return to my first love, the one thing that I needed was a moment to pause, take a breath and then decide "dude, what are you going to do now?" The truth is, you pray first for guidance, wisdom and discernment. The second is you be honest with yourself about your circumstance.
And right now the circumstance is our country is slowly changing. It's changing in ways that I thought I would never see in my lifetime; changing in ways that leaves the place where I was born unrecognizable. I am overwhelmed by the amount of hate that has become commonplace in our nation because it is the polar opposite of how I was raised and what I believe.
We're at a point where we can either choose to love or hate. It just depends on what your moral comfort level is. And I am deeply saddened by the amount of people that find it easy existing in a space that couldn't be anymore uncomfortable.
But as I educate myself on our history, I am learning more about the truth of the role that Black people played in the building of this nation. I know that we lived in a period of hard, back breaking bondage for over 400 years. I know that once initially freed by the Emancipation Proclamation, it wasn't until the 13th Amendment was ratified in 1865 that slavery was ended officially.
But so much has been redacted from the formal education system about the role that Black people played in this country starting with the fact that although slave laborers were brought here against their will from Africa, Black people were already here. We were part of the Indigenous People that resided in this land. (1. Native Black Ancestry.com)
I never understood why we were hated by some of my non-melanated citizens until recently. I now understand that that this country never had any intentions of constructing a society that included equity, diversity and inclusion. People of Color would always be considered a threat. We would always be regarded with suspicion. We would never receive any reparations for all of the African American towns that decided to become self-sustaining entities being burnt to the ground by angry white mobs. The Tulsa Massacre was not a one off. This was in response to us daring to exist without depending on a system that never wanted to include us in the first place.
And yet throughout all of this, Black people continued to thrive. We nurtured our children and instilled in them pride despite what they were going to face once they go out into the world. Personally, I had no idea that I was poor when I was growing up because I was raised and supported by a caring mother and an amazing family.
So now that I know all of this, I have an idea as to what I'm facing to make it in this industry. The odds are against me becoming the type of author that I want to be.
I write in the Thriller/Horror genre and I want to make enough money to supplement my retirement. I want to be able to have the flexibility to write wherever and whenever I want without having to gain anyone's permission to do so.
I know that the odds are against me...but nothing ventured is nothing gained.
I'm ready to dive back in to see what happens and if by chance my career hits a pause, it will only be that...a pause. Quitting is not an option.
I say this to any author of color that happens to feel similar to the way I feel. No matter what you face...no matter the hardships...no matter who's against you, you will make your mark in this industry.
Keep pushing and don't listen to the negative voices in your head or around you that tells you "you can't make it" because you're on shaky ground.
Just remember...no matter how much money you lose, shady business dealings you enter into, naysayers that tell you that you don't have what it takes...just keep it moving forward.
We're going to make it!
~ J.L. Whitehead
