I used to feel safe...now, not so much

I've been thinking about what's been happening for a while now.  It's been super hard to ignore what's going on because it's literally at your front door in living color, raw and uncut.

I know in my heart of hearts that good people don't do to the citizens of this nation what is being done in the guise of getting rid of criminals.  We as people of color should not be afraid to exist...and yet, the threat to our very existence...the right to simply be is under assault; all because of the black and browning of this country.

That's it in a nutshell.  

Someone asked me what does freedom look like.  At the time he was asking this from a personal perspective and of course I explained it to him.

But freedom is a term that covers so much.

The simple fact of the matter is white people have been convinced that somehow they have been left behind and it's someone else's fault.  They believe that white men are under assault and they have window seats to the evaporation of their white privilege.  They don't see that white men are still running this country and have been the most coddled demographic there is and  nothing has been taken from them.  They still have access to the best jobs, often getting preferential treatment for no other reason than the color of their skin.  They are afforded the luxury of looking through you in public, business and social settings.  White women known as 'karens' still weaponize the police as a means of keeping people of color in their place as if somehow our mere presence offends them, 

 I say this not as an attack on white people but as an acknowledgment since I know firsthand that many of you are good and just as outraged at what's going on in our once proud nation. 

I keep wondering what it is about melanated skin that is so upsetting to my non-melanated brothers and sisters.  But whatever is upsetting them has gone on for centuries and always contained rage coupled with violence.

As I watch my brothers and sisters either wage war or persecute victims of the same conflict, I often wonder why now and why do you carry such blatant hatred for others in your hearts?

You don't want us living in your neighborhoods?  Cool.  We can and have built our own.  But it also seems like you don't like us having anything that resembles equality because history has shown that whenever we have done that, you burn what we built to the ground often murdering, raping and pillaging in the process.

It seems like you're not happy unless we are dependent on you so that you can decide what we can or cannot have. And it will always be much less than you which will then reinforce your ideology that you are somehow superior and more deserving of what you have taken, stolen or acquired by any other means.

Here's the good news though: All of you aren't like that.  Many of you have marched alongside us during the civil rights era putting your lives on the line alongside ours.  Many of you have no problems integrating with us and seeing us as regular people which should never have been a problem from the beginning.

We don't want to go to war with you not because we can't or that we're fearful...we simply want to apply our energies to what is useful...like enriching our communities, ensuring the safety of our children, working hard to leave a legacy to our families and loving one another in peace.  Does that mean that black on black crime/violence doesn't exist?  No.  I'm not saying that.  But look around at the state of affairs.

Who is committing acts against humanity in the guise of doing right when hurting people has never been okay?  Who is building white only towns...spaces where black and brown people are not welcome when we never rejected you.  We respond to you and if you want, you have a place setting at the barbecue.

Like I said previously, we don't want to fight you.  We don't want to replace you.  We don't want revenge even though I cannot speak for the families of those you murdered. 

We want you to simply leave us alone.  Leave our legacies alone.  Leave our cultures alone. 

We simply want to exercise our right to exist without any interference or disrespect from you.

Sadly, that seems like something that a portion of your demographic can't do and are willing to kill for. 

~ J.L. Whitehead 

 

Shakey Ground

 I haven't been on this platform in quite some time and I humbly apologize for that.  Being absent from writing doesn't mean that I don't love the craft.  In fact, it's far from it.  Admittedly, for a very short period of time I lost the joy that I used to get whenever I created good content.

I made the decision to pitch myself into my work at my full time job.  But the work increased rapidly and it left me physically exhausted on most days.  The realization that my work had taken over my life and left little room for anything else hit me so hard that I had to re-evaluate what I truly wanted in life and why.

I had to decide who I was as well as what I wanted to be. However given the chaos that surrounds each and every one of us makes the decision that much more difficult.  This hasn't escaped me. It is an ever looming reality that can consume me if I let it.

So after nearly having what can only be described as a breakdown of some sort, I had some decisions to make...and I am in the process of making them. 

But as I return to my first love, the one thing that I needed was a moment to pause, take a breath and then decide "dude, what are you going to do now?"  The truth is, you pray first for guidance, wisdom and discernment.  The second is you be honest with yourself about your circumstance.

And right now the circumstance is our country is slowly changing.  It's changing in ways that I thought I would never see in my lifetime; changing in ways that leaves the place where I was born unrecognizable. I am overwhelmed by the amount of hate that has become commonplace in our nation because it is the polar opposite of how I was raised and what I believe.

We're at a point where we can either choose to love or hate.  It just depends on what your moral comfort level is.  And I am deeply saddened by the amount of people that find it easy existing in a space that couldn't be anymore uncomfortable.

But as I educate myself on our history, I am learning more about the truth of the role that Black people played in the building of this nation.  I know that we lived in a period of hard, back breaking bondage for over 400 years.  I know that once initially freed by the Emancipation Proclamation, it wasn't until the 13th Amendment was ratified in 1865 that slavery was ended officially.

But so much has been redacted from the formal education system about the role that Black people played in this country starting with the fact that although slave laborers were brought here against their will from Africa, Black people were already here.  We were part of the Indigenous People that resided in this land. (1. Native Black Ancestry.com)

I never understood why we were hated by some of my non-melanated citizens until recently.  I now understand that that this country never had any intentions of constructing a society that included equity, diversity and inclusion.  People of Color would always be considered a threat.  We would always be regarded with suspicion.  We would never receive any reparations for all of the African American towns that decided to become self-sustaining entities being burnt to the ground by angry white mobs.  The Tulsa Massacre was not a one off.  This was in response to us daring to exist without depending on a system that never wanted to include us in the first place.

 

I continue to educate myself for no other reason than to explore why a segment of our population was so hell-bent on whitewashing history to not include us despite the many contributions we made to make this country great.  And the hatred is real.  We shouldn't express pride in ourselves at any cost.  LGBTQI+ celebrations were challenged, Juneteenth was ignored being referred to as "not a real holiday" despite the fact that it stood for people being held in slavery even though they were declared free two years prior.

And yet throughout all of this, Black people continued to thrive.  We nurtured our children and instilled in them pride despite what they were going to face once they go out into the world.  Personally, I had no idea that I was poor when I was growing up because I was raised and supported by a caring mother and an amazing family.

So now that I know all of this, I have an idea as to what I'm facing to make it in this industry.  The odds are against me becoming the type of author that I want to be.

I write in the Thriller/Horror genre and I want to make enough money to supplement my retirement.  I want to be able to have the flexibility to write wherever and whenever I want without having to gain anyone's permission to do so.

I know that the odds are against me...but nothing ventured is nothing gained.

I'm ready to dive back in to see what happens and if by chance my career hits a pause, it will only be that...a pause. Quitting is not an option.

I say this to any author of color that happens to feel similar to the way I feel.  No matter what you face...no matter the hardships...no matter who's against you, you will make your mark in this industry.

Keep pushing and don't listen to the negative voices in  your head or around you that tells you "you can't make it" because you're on shaky ground.

Just remember...no matter how much money you lose, shady business dealings you enter into, naysayers that tell you that you don't have what it takes...just keep it moving forward.

We're going to make it!

~ J.L. Whitehead 

So what now

 I've been giving the question of "so what now" going over it with a fine tooth comb.  I've heard everything from mass protest, to boycotts of services online to just resigning to the new norm.  I was trying very hard with every fiber of my being to stay away from the subject of politics but at this point there seems no getting away from it.

Politics is getting ready to touch our lives in a deeply personal way.  There's simply no getting around it.  Like many of you, I've struggled with the "hows", "whats" and "whys" of it all.  Like it or not, we are in for a turbulent, chaotic next four years.

There's no getting around that either.

I often tell folks (or anyone that would listen) that I firmly believe that we have to go through the very worst to see us at our lowest point in humanity in order to get that much needed wake up call.  Some people are perfectly content viewing themselves as the only species that exists and everyone else can take a back seat because they personally don't give a damn about you. Those people need the wake up call because like it or not, the world does not evolve around them.

Others are content to just sit back remaining in a state of shock and inaction.  We don't know what to do to go on with the life we knew when the life we once knew is subject to change and spin out of control.

Others still are poised to fight.  They know that what is happening will not just impact themselves but their children, and quite possibly their grandchildren.  They know the world that they want to leave to them.  That vision is one where we actually see one another.  We acknowledge each other and believe that we can worship and love one another without meeting the criteria of sharing the same skin tone.

Above all, we value every human life where if one is harmed, all are harmed.  It takes a village to raise a child but it takes a 'hood to take care of and nurture each other...adults included.  Especially adults.

See, many folks are still angry even though their candidate won...and they are extremely glad that he will be inflicting pain on people that don't look like them.  Many will sit idly by watching as families are ripped apart.  They will watch as trans people are going to get repressed to the point of dying.  Rights will be stripped away from the average citizen and they will sit on the sidelines until the powers that be come for them.

And this will happen.  It just hasn't happened yet.

What we can do now is love one another and I mean truly love one another in a way that we've never loved before.  We have to start there.  Before we can take action, we have to allow ourselves to mourn, grieve and get caught up in our feelings.  Only after that can we begin to strategize and begin to mobilize as a unit to help ourselves because we realize that the cavalry isn't coming.

In my walk with God, I have to learn how to walk within myself just so that I can then walk with the folks that love me...and hopefully, one day that will include people that don't love me for whatever reason.

Now to the folks that are not angry but really, deeply hurt.

Now is the time for us to feel what we feel together.  We have to lift one another up because believe me, there will be a day when I will need you to lift this big black man up.  My shoulders are only so broad.

We need to ensure that each and every one of us are okay and whatever we may need in the moment, we know that we are in a safe enough space to receive it.  This is the gift of humanity.

Humanity is not lost as long as we remember that it still exists.  For others, it may have just taken a long vacation.  For now, it's okay.  It has to be.  But to keep our emotional and mental sanity, we acknowledge what has happened, and then we wrap ourselves around the real reason why we are upset.

It isn't because Kamala Harris lost.  Not completely.  It's what she represented.  We had hope.  We had the chance for equality.  We had the chance to live in a world that we really wanted to be a part of...a world where we were free to simply be and exist in our own skin and not have to worry that somehow we were going to pay a price for it.

And it's not like we can't have that world...we just won't be having it today.

So listen folks, love one another.  Cherish one another.  Be there for one another.  Listen to one another.  Respect one another.  Because this all come back to loving one another.

Because at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

~ J.L. Whitehead